It seems like no matter how positive things get in my social life, something always tells me that somehow I’m going to mess it up. Cristina makes me so happy whenever I’m with her but she trusts me and I keep thinking I’ll let her down. It’s like.. Even though I have an umbrella, there’s still a rain cloud that won’t go away. And I’m always second guessing how much she actually cares about me because she’s so beautiful and so many other guys out there and I’m always wondering, why me? Self-esteem is getting better but I’ve become kind of cynical.
I’ve had a looming crush on a girl that I first started talking to 3 years ago. We met on Omegle (yes, it started on the Internet, judge), but we started to talk on FB and text and even Skype/talk on the phone. Her name is Janette and she lives in Michigan and I think she’s brilliant. We have similar interests and taste in music. We have long talks about things that are on our minds and really connect even with the distance. I am set on one day actually meeting her, but that would involve buying a plane ticket, and I have no job. Plus I would probably stay there for a week but idk where I would stay to be honest. But I’ve been horribly falling for this girl on and off for the past 3 years and something about her just feels right. It’s crazy. But it feels right. I’m tired of my ongoing hooking up with Anna. I’m tired of waking up feeling empty and worthless.
I just feel shredded. I have no energy to be productive or do anything.
I’ve asked out 2 girls in the last week and gotten rejected. I wrote the girl I’ve had an ongoing “flirtationship” a letter spilling my feelings and she said it was the sweetest thing a guy has ever done for her. She then said that she can’t date anyone now, though. If it was THAT great, she would totally want to be with me, right? That makes sense..? Maybe she just tries to get guys attention so she doesn’t feel lonely. Fuck. I’ve been acting like I’m strong but the truth is I’ve been losing ground.
Broke down in front of Mom, this is new..
Haven’t been this fucking down since 8th grade… You know what that meeeeaaaaaaaansssss. #welcomebackclinicaldepression
I just want someone to call me and tell me that they miss me and wish we could talk more, and that I mean something to them. Is the conceited?
I really like Emily.. But like, she dated a black guy and they used to party all the time, and she goes to clubs and gets drunk. But I really REALLY like her, but don’t see what I could do for her.. I feel like I can’t do anything for her.. I’m just a nice guy, I don’t have any special skills or anything like that.. I feel so terribly average all the time..